Spread kindness

Some days I miss reading news in the newspapers, really do. During the current day and age most printed news is no longer NEW since you can read articles online as soon as they are published. The reason I miss reading the paper is the commentary by those on social media about those articles or photos being share.

Why is it that a photo or article showing kindness has to have so much negative and hatred? Can we not even enjoy the reason for someone sharing? It is very bothersome to me that so many are willing to jump online and just spread hatred or negativity.

So many of us want to show kindness, spread the love and give smiles in any way we can, it is something I choose to do everyday. Yet others choose the complete opposite.

Anyone with a keyboard can easily diminish the good that people want to do.  They can sit in the comfort of their homes while those of us trying to do more for others are out there making a different. The negativity these keyboard warriors as my kids call them can break a person and their giving spirit. It is hard enough as it is to do good without being criticize and now if you share it, the negative people can cause you more trouble than anyone can imagine.

You are probably reading this wondering why I am writing about it, well it is because while I was sharing some patriotic heartwarming posts yesterday I was reported for inappropriate messages on social media. As a matter of fact I am still locked out of some of those accounts.

What were the offensive messages?? Taps being played at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier. WHAT?!?!  The other flagged post was about me helping an elderly homeless couple. Apparently, I offended someone by sharing. For a single person nonprofit, it hurts my reach to be blocked. How can I communicate with the people who I want to help though PTSD and suicide? Each morning I can spend a good couple hours online with Veterans & their loved ones communicating with them. Checking on them and letting them know how much they matter.

It use to be that if you didn’t want to read something you just skipped it, use to be that if you didn’t care about helping others you just didn’t do it. Now you can practically shut someone down and hurt them by flagging their posts and page.

Spread kindness, stop the spreading of hatred and negativity.  We have enough of that already why continue to spread that around? So many feel as if good people are rare, it is not true!!! There are so many doing great things but are being held back by those who flag and report them as inappropriate.

What is it that they fear? How can sharing good stories or kindness be something that makes you afraid? Why are you attempting to stop the love?

These things frustrate me but it will not stop me, it merely becomes more fuel for me to use in my mission to help others.

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PTSD Friendly Salon

I wish there were PTSD/anxiety friendly salons. It’s been over five years since I have had a mani/pedi and a few years since I have had a haircut.  Don’t think people truly understand how hard it is for some PTSDers to do this. I want my hair cut, it needs it badly. My hands and feet need some love too lol.
Self care is hard for me and many others. Most salons feel like I am in a fishbowl. Being watched by so many because it’s just so open.  Throw in the fact that those places in my safe zone are all fishbowl type places.  There has to be a way for someone as messed up as me can get things done.

This is what I posted yesterday on my social media sites. Many others did not realize that this was an issue. It really is. Not everyone is comfortable outside of their safe zones yet we thrive within it. I have made contact with some places to see about coming in before they open or a time they are not too busy, but many are asking for the price of service to accommodate me. That is not something I can afford.

I am sure there are other people out there with the same issues, maybe not medically but the issue of finding self care locations that are able to accommodate the uniqueness of what we each have going on.

If you are in the business of hair and nails, let people know you are willing to work with them. Maybe put that on your social media sites. Thankfully I was given a name of someone who will be able to get me seen and taken care of. I hope to see her within the next few weeks, gotta wait til the VA pays me lol but I am so thankful to know there is someone there willing to work with me.

Thank you so much to my social media followers for the suggestions and comments. I would not be as far along as I am without each of your help.

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fatigue and exhaustion

There are days I can get up and be so ready to start the day regardless of the pain levels. Feeling like I can actually do things, maybe not everything I want but things that may have been on the back burner for the longest time.

Maybe one or two items get taken care of and they are good for a while. Then it hits, the wall, the huge flipping wall that smacks ya down. This happens way too often to me, it’s the fatigue and exhaustion. I have blogged about this a lot over the years and yet it is something that anyone not suffering from a chronic issue does not understand.

We are not lazy, not just fat or don’t get enough exercise or eat enough greens. I have heard it all.
‘Just go sit outside for a while and get that sun girl! You will feel a lot better.’
‘If you spent just an hour or so in the gym, maybe you won’t feel so tired.’
‘Are you eating enough fiber and greens?? Because you know that helps a lot.’

OH if only the issues can be cured with exercise, foods and sun. Don’t you think maybe I have tried it already? Can I exercise more, sure. Try walking on feet that no matter what you do, feel like you are walking on tacks and pins. Yes y’all it actually feels like that no matter what, ohhh and toss in the bone spurs and broken toes that just materialized to mess with me. I can take some pain but not this much at every single step.
Eating….well there are days my stomach will only let me have water and crackers. What do you think that does to my energy levels?
Hmmm sitting outside in the sun…I actually like doing that lol but it does not recharge my batteries.

It is just fatigue, exhaustion and feeling like I need to lay down in order to do the smallest of tasks that makes it so horrible. It is a pain in the ass, yes resting is necessary but this is not resting. When you are unable to do anything because you are so tired it becomes an issue. Resting makes you feel better over time, when you are in the exhaustion & fatigue mode you do not feel better after laying down.

How can chronically ill people begin to get any help when hardly anyone believes in the battles being fought? How can you look at someone struggling with living a ‘normal’ life and tell them they only need to try harder?

This feeling comes and goes. Lately it comes more than goes lol but I deal with it. If you love someone who battles fatigue, don’t just assume they are lazy. Find a way to help them out with things they cannot get done. Offer to help with a meal, just sitting with them and letting them know you are there is HUGE.

If you are the one battling, allow others to help you. Do not feel guilty (yeah its hard, I know) about asking for that help. Take the time to get back to your normal, not the one others try to put on you.

Now I am going to lay down on the couch and try to read. This is a busy month, I am going to rest when I can so that I can continue to give back. So that I can keep bringing awareness to PTSD and the oh so many issues our Military and Veterans face. That is my purpose, these days of exhaustion and fatigue will make me slow down but they will not stop me.

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Surviving

When traumas happen, it changes your future in ways that you will never really be prepared for. You won’t immediately know what those changes are as they will come out during different periods of your life. We survive, we keep going and live through the cycle of reliving the traumas and having it throw us into the dark fighting to find our way out.

When does just surviving stop? At what point do we start to live our lives without the worry of a trigger sending us spiraling out of control? When will we start to see our worth?

I know that everyone’s journey in healing is different, I get it I really do. So many people will tell me that it takes time, then things will settle. Hell I have told that to people myself when providing them some guidance in their own battles. Yes time does heal, but it does not cure. Why is that I wonder?

Maybe it is the fact there is no cure that in my mind translates that to meaning there is never going to be an end. In my mind I know there are times I can go months without fighting so hard, there are times I feel like I am actually better and can almost let my guard down. Yet there is that little voice in my head reminding me that the demons are still there.

During these good times, it is apparent how traumas changed me. The affect the traumas suffered over the years have changed how I see the good times. It’s like I am waiting for the bottom to fall out, things are too good so something has to go wrong soon. Sadly, I am the one who sabotages myself because I get tired of waiting for the demons to do it.

The self sabotage over the years has been as hard to work on as surviving the traumas. It is a never ending battle. Yet I find a way to keep going because I am not just okay with surviving. I want to live and be happy, enjoy my marriage and children. I especially want to be around to spoil my grandson rotten and let his parents deal with the after affects, because that is what grandparents do, right?

The biggest struggle in all of this has been moving past the survival mode, wondering if there will ever be an end to just surviving. I have gone through tons of years of counseling which has helped me deal with things, yet every time I asked when things will settle down they could never give me an answer. I really think an answer does not exist. Just like there is no cure for PTSD, there will never be an end to fighting.

Until I can find that peace, I will keep fighting and keep surviving because right now its all I can do. I have to force myself to believe I am worth the effort, I usually fight because I fear letting my husband and kids down. Maybe that is enough for now, maybe at some point in the future I will fight for me.

No matter how long you have been fighting, how long you have been surviving….keep doing it. I can tell you that YOU are worth the effort. YOU MATTER. One day I hope to say that to myself, my holding on to being here is in hopes of helping others. If one person can be helped with my ranting & ravings, the posts and the messages then I will keep doing it.

Hold on, please and keep fighting.

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I am resting

During my last doctor visit for the increased pains and aches in my whole body I was told to rest. Stay off my feet, limit use of my arms & hands and just rest. This is especially hard to do as a house wife, homeschool mom and manager of my nonprofit.

Who is going to craft all the items needed for Walter Reed and those requesting items to ease their comfort? Who is going to do our homeschooling lessons? And who will do the house chores? Yes, the kids and my hubby can help. They always do, but can I really sit back and just let things go undone??

The answer to that is yes. Sure I am still doing things, still on my feet but I know it is a lot less than before. Projects are not all getting done as fast as they normally do but they are getting done.

When I chose to take a more natural & holistic approach to healing and dealing with all the medical conditions, the doctors were not happy. Over the years they are seeing how dedicated I am to this way of life. Now when I go they are not offering the pain medications or other pills to ease things going on, they offer natural remedies and practices.

Resting is a huge part of my recovery, a large part at getting myself back on track and therefore it is something I am making a huge attempt to abide by. I can still work from the couch or bed, but limiting the use of my hands & arms has been tough. Really can say that so many things are not being done because I am limiting their use and with that the pains and aches are a lot more manageable.

The next few weeks into next month I have lots of appointments to do xrays, scans and testing to get an idea of where my body is from the last time these were all done. That baseline from a few years ago along with these new results will give the docs a good idea as to what is happening with my body.

We are all battling something, we are all fighting a demon that many cannot see. During the most difficult of time we just have to know that our support system is doing all they can to help keep us safe and help us deal with the pains.

Thank you all for your continued support and encouragement. Your kindness gives me the strength and push I need to keep going.

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