Depression and anxiety can easily disrupt life. We fight to hold on to the good of things to push back the dark depressing thoughts and way the anxiety makes us feel. Sometimes it doesn’t work and then we are sliding down the dark pit of depression.
This week I have had to stop a lot of things because I feel that slide. Felt the shift in how I saw my work and my day to day tasks. In the past few weeks I have been isolating myself more and more, not even trying to get away from the house to do quick trips. Just order things online, avoid any people.
Having to force myself to get into the studio and do something. That is the hardest part really. Once I am in there, I look around at what needs to be done. Look at the possible creations to be made and just stare at it all. It can be minutes to as long as an hour. Wandering from station to station in the studio, thinking. Touching supplies and materials sometimes just moving them from one spot to another. Organizing the same thing over and over and over again. I am lost in the lack of motivation.
Finally finding the start of wanting to create then takes me longer than I like, but then I say to my self it doesn’t really matter as long as I do something. That is what matters to me so I create.
Creating helps, on the days the depression or anxiety are manageable. The days when it is horrible, it just kills time.
Have you noticed the lack of posts? The low number of items made? The slow response to your contact? This is one of those times the shift from managing to fighting happens.
These shifts are a lot of work. Hard tasks become harder, sad things are sadder and it just sucks.
All I can do is wait. At some point this will be behind me and we are back on track. Then we wait for the next shift. I don’t know if it gets easier or harder each time it happens. I do know that I get through it with help. WE get through it because during these times the pain is worse, sleeping sucks and I am not a good person to be around.
Not everyone has a support system that is stable or strong. I have been blessed with both in one person. For those who feel like you are alone, reach out. You can contact me and we can help each other through it all. I reach out and people help without knowing they are.
Keep your chin up, stay strong and stay here. These shifts are not permanent. They are like the ebb and flow of waves. We are just riding them out.