I loved being around people. Enjoyed hearing about their life experiences and where they came from. Having served for 20 years, being people ready was something I never had to think about.
Depression and I have been friends for a long time, it never was a big deal or held me back. I just kept on going on knowing that the depression was right there with me. I would see the docs when required and take the medications as prescribed, life went on. When I had my first suicide attempt as an adult, depression was a contributing factor. Big DUH right lol.
So what do I mean by ‘Being People Ready’? What that means is being ready to see anyone other than the person(s) that live with you. When I retired I cut myself off from people. Never visited my old job or people I worked with. At the point of retirement I was angry, the PTSD was at its worse and anxiety was debilitating. So I was never really ‘people ready’ because well I didn’t have to. The depression had it’s hold on me too and for the longest time I never wanted to see me, did not care what I looked like or if anyone saw me in a not people ready get up.
Depression, PTSD, anxiety, paranoia and so many other things kept me from caring about my own appearance. Oh I sometimes would agree that I was gaining too much weight or was not taking care of myself like I should have. Yet part of me did not care because I didn’t need a good view of me to do my nonprofit work. It wasn’t until about two years ago that I started to get out of my house and start trying to care about my appearance that I began to put some effort into what I presented to the outside world.
Six years post retirement, I am about to open my doors to my nonprofit and now have to be People Ready. Care has to be given about my appearance every day that my gates are open. This will help me more than anything I have ever tried. It pushes me out of my comfort zone to a certain degree but I am in my safe place so it is easier for me to manage the anxiety and paranoia.
Last year I pushed myself out of comfort zones. Had a PTSD F*ck It List, much like a Bucket List and I hit each and every one of those goals. What that did for me was give me the confidence in myself, in my ability to adapt and overcome situations what were not comfortable for me. This year I am pushing myself so far out of the comfy bubble that I know it will do more for me than I can ever imagine.
Every morning I have to be sure I am People Ready. I have to look in the mirror and see myself. Something I truly avoid each and every day. Now I have to see me and be sure I look presentable. I have to be sure I wear shoes, socks, my appearance is comfy casual so I can work in my studio and people can come by as they want.
Being People Ready is scary. I have to see me, have to look at myself and acknowledge me. It is very hard to do when ME was never a priority. While I do my nonprofit work and share myself with you all on the interwebs, I never really put myself first. Now don’t get all ‘YAY for you’ yet because I am not really putting myself first yet, lol. I am being sure that I am putting a good face for the nonprofit out there so that I can do more for people but I know that in time I will start to matter to me. This is going to help y’all. The more I look at myself, the more I can say ‘hey I am okay’ and feel it too.
I am 44 years old, have an amazing husband who loves me. Three wonderful sons, an amazing DIL and grandson who are my everything. Somewhere during this wonderful new chapter of my life, I will see myself as worthy of it all. I love what I do y’all and love giving back to anyone I can. There is a part of me that is so broken I can’t see the good in myself, but I am working on it. Being People Ready is going to help, how can it not?