This is the year I am going to be pushing myself further and further outside of my comfort zone. So far in the three months I have started to step out and it is exhausting. The physical pain that comes along with the mental pain is horrible, usually takes me out for a few days after. It is all worth it all.
When pushing myself I do not do more than I am comfortable with. The worst part is the days leading up to the ‘event’ because I tend to start driving myself nuts with the preparation in my mind. Feel like I am going 1000 miles an hour and yet getting nothing done. That is happening right now.
I was tagged for jury duty, who knows what will happen but soon I have to call and get the recorded instructions on what to do. Things are getting busy around the house as we start decluttering and organizing spaces that work for me and others in the house. My body is driving me bonkers with pain as the date for jury duty looms ahead.
It is extremely difficult to explain to someone the physical pain that I am feeling, the mental anguish I am putting myself through. None of this by choice, its the PTSD and anxiety. While I have some control over things there isn’t a lot that I can completely control, sometimes I just have to let it ride out.
My brain has too many tabs open LOL I am sure you guys have seen that meme. It is what I feel like. Just on overload with data.
For now I am doing tons of things and getting nothing done. When we get in these modes, it helps to have our loved ones just be there and understand what is going on. We need that someone to lean on and hold onto when it feels like things are just too out of control.
We push ourselves to that living outside of our safezones is easier. It can take a while, just be patient with us.