Physically and mentally I am exhausted, the pain feels like it is slowly killing me from the inside out and my mind is going with it. Fighting the fibro, migraines, tummy issues and mental illness all at the same time is wearing me down.
So many people are battling something, fighting for normal and fighting for their lives. PTSD is no different from any other sickness, neither is depression and fibromiaglia they all take a toll on your body and its hard to stay holding on.
I am tired, my body hurts so bad when I go to sleep that I cannot get good rest. When I do fall asleep I am punched awake by pains. Waking up hurts but I cannot stay in bed because it hurts to lay down. So I get up and move, gotta get things done.
When the pains and aches are this bad, it allows the mental demons to get closer to the surface and torment me.
This isnt the first time I have gone through this and sadly it will not be the last. It is during these hard times that I have to hold on harder to my family, friends and life. Times like this I have to remind myself that I matter, just like I tell people everyday who reach out to me for support and help. It is so much easier to tell other people to hold on, tell them to smile because they matter and to stay because they are needed.
The past few weeks have been hard on my mind and body, it as finally become too much and there are fractures in my shield that keeps me safe and it will take time to fix them.
I know when it is time to just sit and rest, when I can push more and try to get things done and I know when it is time to just stop. Thankfully I have not hit that stop point but I have hit the rest one.